Yeah, i sure did it…
i feel depressed… i feel alone… I feel FAT!
Have to tell this in this Violently yours - blog also…
Today, i drank over 5 liters water, and i feel soooo bloated.. But i needed to keep my hunger away. I’m still sick, and at my parents house. AND! When my dad came back home from work, he asked me if i would like to have some pizza. I really wanted to cry out loud! I wanted to shout “YYEEEESSSS!!!! I WOULD LOVE TO!” but instead of that, i said “no thanks, i just had my lunch”. Yeah, i was proud of myself. for a while.
Now it seems like nothing is enough… i’m not enough to myself even if i’m starving myself to death, and i fucking know it.
I’m not skinny enough to cute pics, not skinny enough to wear nice clothes, not even skinny enough to my boyfriend…
My BF saw me drinking water today. and with drinking water i don’t mean like glass of water, i mean like few bottles of water in a row. And she or he requested me why i am drinkin’ that. it felt so dangerous to lie that i am simply thirsty.
It feels so fucking dangerous to deceive everybody about why i do not consume, or why i binge and purge… “no, i would not have ED anymore, i simply need to lose a bit weight, then i’m going to cease this.” yeah… allow them to imagine it…
Why cannot individuals simply let me be what i wish to be? I wish to feel free, and that is what makes me chuffed. ED is so large a part of me, and i do not wish to lose it.
xoxo Violent~
That is what i actually love. And also you guys in fact!! <three
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