My husband helps a mutual feminine buddy (I imagine her an acquaintance if that makes a distinction) thru a tricky time. I’m uncomfortable and together with his involvement (I will give an explanation for in somewhat) and eventually instructed him so after a number of weeks. He says there is not any possibility to our marriage as a result of he has no intention of leaving me and I do know he does not however, he does no longer need to flip his again on her as a result of if one thing have been to occur to her and/or her okids, then he would feel guilty that he could have helped but didn’t. That’s the gist of the situation and I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I could issue an ultimatum and he would stop helping her but again, if something happens to her, then he will have that guilt which I am sure he would extend to me because the only reason he stopped helping her was because of me.
Here are some details.
* Her husband raped her and the next day her therapist told her to go the ER. She was scared to go in and called my husband because “she has no other friends here” and he met here there. Supposedly the ER found no evidence of rape.
* During this time my husband told me that she had a long drawn out plan to leave him and didn’t want to tell him ahead of time because she feared that he would go postal and hurt her and/or the kids.
* My husband also told me that she didn’t want me to know about the ER but he insisted that I needed to know. Apparently her husband has accused her of cheating on him before and he wanted to be upfront with me about it so that I wouldn’t hear about it from someone else.
* About a week later, she called freaking out because her husband asked her if she had gone to the ER. She decided she and the kids had to leave that day before he got home from work. So my husband left work and helped her move what she could take. Most of that stuff is in our garage.
* Since then she has been texting him daily. Not constantly, but daily.
* He has taken her to lunch to check up on her and told me about it after the fact. He plans to take her to lunch every couple of weeks to check up on her and has invited me to future lunches.
* Our kids go to the same school and she was happily telling her story to a bunch of other moms and mentioning that my husband is helping her.
* After a few weeks, she was still supposedly in pain and wanting to see another doctor to get an x-ray, which wasn’t done at the ER.
* He took out $2k against his credit card to pay for her lawyer. She said her husband cut her off financially. I had to find out when I went to pay the bill and saw the charge/withdrawal.
I didn’t say anything to him initially because I don’t want to seem heartless and uncaring. She didn’t try to contact me or another female friend to meet her at the ER. I haven’t asked other mutual female friends and I don’t plan to. He says that I have a right to tell him how I feel, but at the same time, I now feel like I shouldn’t bother because nothing is going to change. He is still going to help her even if I don’t like it. And feel guilty if he stops helping her and something happens.
I asked him if she seemed sane at the lunch they went to because I am hearing that she’s saying horrible things to her kids about their dad (she got a temporary restraining order). He said, “Did she seem sane before?” and I said, “Not particularly.” and then he said, “She seems the same.” He has already acknowledged that he has no intention of leaving her and that he doesn’t like to spend any more time with her or her kids (who are out of control) yet he’s on a mission to help her like she is his responsibility. I feel like she’s using him and playing on his sympathy in order to get him to offer to help. She was talking about moving to a known shady hotel with a weekly rate so it would be her and 3 kids (eleven, 9, 7 years previous) in a lodge room.
Anyway, I’m very harm however I believe like I’m caught and cannot do the rest about it.
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