Smart Health Shop Forum Blog: someweightogo’s Weblog

Monday, October 6, 2014

someweightogo’s Weblog – Restoration Ways?

I’ve had any other day of too many not too long ago, the place I’ve didn’t preserve up my ED intentions. Any person on MPA mentioned that I have not failed at my ED, when you consider that I’ve acquired my weight all the way down to 103, which provides me a BMI of 17.31. My physique simply is not going to take it any further with out combating again, and that suggests I wish to to find differently to have keep watch over. And the psychological well being products and services don’t seem to be going to be coming thru for me any time quickly, if ever, so I wish to do it myself, with some enter from my various therapist who I have been seeing for approximately 5 weeks.

It can be been a humorous previous day. Climate right here within the UK is beautiful bad throughout the united states, however I needed to trek down for my different remedy session this morning, which was once therapeutic massage this time. It used to be a in reality just right session, however an peculiar dialog afterwards, when my therapist indicated that she feels higher massaging my legs than my higher physique, as a result of my legs are neatly muscled. I feel she is aware of to not say an excessive amount of about weight/skinniness, however I got here away with a picture of match, wholesome, muscly legs and a kind of bony/mushy higher physique. Bizarre, as a result of in a method I kind of like each of those images, but together they’re offputting. It’s probably very correct though – my legs do a lot of hillwalking, so need the muscle while the rest of me has been starving.

So, well, I tried very hard into the afternoon to keep to a 500 cal regime, and then lost it and “slow binged” for a few hours. And then really had to face the thought that I’m just not able to do this starving any more. I’m not many pounds above my UGW, but my body isn’t taking ongoing starving, can’t take it.

I don’t really know how I’ll go from here. I decided to mark facing the reality of the above by doing some cooking, because in ED land I’m so caught up in measuring all my calories that cooking for myself is too dangerous. So I’ve made some bean curry, which is like a much nicer, healthier version of baked beans. And I’ve made some flapjack (oat and golden syrup bars, not pancake), which isn’t in any way health unless you’re mega-exercising!

I don’t really know how to organise my food on an ongoing basis. I’ve a Tesco delivery due tomorrow, which I can still modify for another hour or so, but I don’t know what I want or if I can cope if I don’t get things like my 6 cal jelly pots.

What I do want to do is try new recipes. The practical difficulty with that is it almost inevitably means I’ll need ingredients I don’t normally have in. I live in a village near a small (very) town, with no car, so my access to food shopping isn’t that extensive.

I’m afraid that I’ll just go on a long binge, and that I’ll need to hide my scales, for fear of seeing the evidence of what I’ve done reflected back to me in the numbers.

I’m also worried because I see my mother on Friday, for the first time in months, and she’s going to see me very thin, but as I don’t talk to her about my ED or anything personal, I can’t reascertain that I am doing one thing about it. I am forty; you would assume caring about what my mom thinks can be a factor of the prior!

So it is … frightening and undefined on the mo. I undoubtedly want to take keep watch over if I am to go long run into a brand new approach of consuming. It might do no just right to pile on the kilos after which want the ED to come back again to the rescue once more. So I wish to preserve writing, provide you with plans, and refine them as expertise displays effects.