Antidiepressant’s Weblog – My story can have a contented ending

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antidiepressant
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03 August 2014

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It has been nearly 2 years because I used to be released from hospital. I went in for an operation and when they were prepping me they had to weigh me, this was the worst moment of my life; they sat me down with my parents and said I would not recover from my operation if I didn’t put on weight. Until this point my parents were not aware of the extent to my weight loss due to the fact that I have always worn baggy clothing around the house. In the end I got the operation but had to eat an entire meal, including dessert, before being released. As you can imagine, this was quite a task.

My parents had to agree to ensure that I would be supervised 24/7 to make sure I ate everything I was given and my mother – being the horrible person that she is – decided I had to eat a hell of a lot more than required for weight gain. It took over a year to be able to eat unsupervised but they were still checking the fridge to make sure the food they bought was actually being eaten. It was soon clear that the only way I could be free from their eagle eyes was to eat, and eat, and eat. So I did. Boy, did I eat.

I deliberately got overweight so that my parents could not ignore what they were doing to me. I was using my weight against them, and to this day, I still am. I believed (but I realise now to be ludicrous) that the only way I would be allowed to restrict and exercise without supervision was to make it so I medically had to. It was quite a shock to my body in only two years to go from severely underweight to obese and with multiple suicide attempts I don’t think it can take much more.

I am now down to 176.6lbs and have bought a weights bench and plan to go running more often. I finally realise that this is the correct way to go about life. Not to destroy my body with starving and purging. Though my one weakness is definitely the diet pills, I rarely miss a day. It’s the place nearly all of my cash goes. They’re a security blanket and I will be able to’t are living with out them, however I’m attempting.

C.

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