It is said that effective communication is the key to all good relationship problems. Communication is not mere talking, but it is a therapeutic form of talking that gives guidance to your mate and helps overcoming any problem that arises. With good communication most upsets, which are mainly based on anger or frustration, most of them will never become major problems.
So how do we effectively deal with our loved one without shouting and screaming, blaming or cursing, becoming sullen or withdrawn, being irritated or hurling insults.
We are often taught from a young age that it is weak or shameful to have fears and embarrassments, so most of us hide behind them and never voice them. We foolishly try to protect our self esteem by covering over our hurts with anger.
If you feel anger welling up inside yourself try to relax your body as this promotes openness, and try to vocalize what you are worried about or fearful of. It is most important that you try to phrase your responses in terms of how you feel deep inside, and not in terms of what is wrong with your mate.
Instead of striking out at your mate, just take a breather for a minute and try to spontaneously and with your guard down express exactly how you feel about the situation.
Don't blame your mate and don't go on the defensive. Open yourself up and let your mate know your true feelings. By doing this you will know how you feel and reduce your underlying fears by admitting and confronting them in a positive way. This open honest should in turn allow your mate to voice his or hers, own fears and frustrations.
The use of anger only disguises the underlying problems and makes it more difficult to solve those problems. It is important to forget about who is to blame for the problem. To be able to admit that you've been hurt in some way by some particular action is the first step in the right direction toward coming up with a solution.
Pay attention that the first word in good communication begins with "I." And make sure that word is not said in anger or with impatience toward the other person. It is more important to express a sense of concern for the other persons own feelings. By approaching each other in this way, you will be far more likely to find common ground and a solution, than by exchanging accusations.
If you are attacked in a exchange remind yourself that your mate is hurt or fearful behind that anger and remember that anger is only a disguise. Remind yourself that letting the other person get his or her, anger out does not reduce you as a person.
Try to learn to voice your anxiety. When anxiety is put into words it sounds like this; I'm afraid I will not please you. And if I disappoint you, I will feel terrible and ashamed."
A person with anxiety imagines that his or her, life situations are tests or performances which no matter how they come about he or she will fail. But very rarely will this person admit that to anyone.
But if he or she, has the courage to try and admit it they will be on the way toward solving any problems in their relationships.
Be a good listener. Do not preach or moralize, lecture or interrupt, while the other person is talking. Most of all don't try to score points.
Be willing to express disagreement, around the issues, not by personal attacks.
Keep your eye on the issues or situation and voice your underlying fears.
And most of all when your irrationality overcomes you, and you do get angry, remember to learn sometimes it is inevilable and that anger is a unavoidable part of life. But do be willing to say your sorry when it is over.
So how do we effectively deal with our loved one without shouting and screaming, blaming or cursing, becoming sullen or withdrawn, being irritated or hurling insults.
We are often taught from a young age that it is weak or shameful to have fears and embarrassments, so most of us hide behind them and never voice them. We foolishly try to protect our self esteem by covering over our hurts with anger.
If you feel anger welling up inside yourself try to relax your body as this promotes openness, and try to vocalize what you are worried about or fearful of. It is most important that you try to phrase your responses in terms of how you feel deep inside, and not in terms of what is wrong with your mate.
Instead of striking out at your mate, just take a breather for a minute and try to spontaneously and with your guard down express exactly how you feel about the situation.
Don't blame your mate and don't go on the defensive. Open yourself up and let your mate know your true feelings. By doing this you will know how you feel and reduce your underlying fears by admitting and confronting them in a positive way. This open honest should in turn allow your mate to voice his or hers, own fears and frustrations.
The use of anger only disguises the underlying problems and makes it more difficult to solve those problems. It is important to forget about who is to blame for the problem. To be able to admit that you've been hurt in some way by some particular action is the first step in the right direction toward coming up with a solution.
Pay attention that the first word in good communication begins with "I." And make sure that word is not said in anger or with impatience toward the other person. It is more important to express a sense of concern for the other persons own feelings. By approaching each other in this way, you will be far more likely to find common ground and a solution, than by exchanging accusations.
If you are attacked in a exchange remind yourself that your mate is hurt or fearful behind that anger and remember that anger is only a disguise. Remind yourself that letting the other person get his or her, anger out does not reduce you as a person.
Try to learn to voice your anxiety. When anxiety is put into words it sounds like this; I'm afraid I will not please you. And if I disappoint you, I will feel terrible and ashamed."
A person with anxiety imagines that his or her, life situations are tests or performances which no matter how they come about he or she will fail. But very rarely will this person admit that to anyone.
But if he or she, has the courage to try and admit it they will be on the way toward solving any problems in their relationships.
Be a good listener. Do not preach or moralize, lecture or interrupt, while the other person is talking. Most of all don't try to score points.
Be willing to express disagreement, around the issues, not by personal attacks.
Keep your eye on the issues or situation and voice your underlying fears.
And most of all when your irrationality overcomes you, and you do get angry, remember to learn sometimes it is inevilable and that anger is a unavoidable part of life. But do be willing to say your sorry when it is over.
via Smart Health Shop Forum http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SmartHealthShopForum/~3/-M-uT6sAXYU/9435-controlling-anger-relationship-good-communication.html
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